Friends or Friends?
Feeling kind of crap at the moment. Still thinking about friends and relationships and all that stuff, it seems to be a bit of a theme for me right now. I’ve got a couple of different groups of friends really. True friends who I can share almost anything with and who will always be there for me (I’ve really only got one or two of them). Uni friends who I hang out with and study with, who are a little strange like me and have common interests. And then another group of uni friends who are I little higher up on the social ladder than me, but who don’t seem to mind me hanging around. I’ve also got old school friend who I hardly see but, who I try to keep in contact with.All that is fine and dandy but the problem is, sometimes I get confused about what type of friends some people really are. For a while there I thought some of my uni friends, the ones who are like me, were real friends. It seems though, that I was wrong. The last few weeks all I have been to them is a verbal punching bag, the one in the group who cops all the jokes for everyone else’s enjoyment. I don’t want to do it anymore, I don’t mind the odd joke here and there but true friends wouldn’t treat me like this and think it was ok. True friends would be able to tell that although I pretend everything’s ok, really the jokes are starting to hurt. Really i do have feelings just like they do. I made another mistake, thinking that I could hang out with my other uni friends, the ones who are ‘cooler’ that me, like I do with my friends who are ‘equal’ to me. Once again it seems that I was wrong. They are all nice enough to me, they certainly don’t make jokes at my expense, but it’s clear that I’m not one of them. I just don’t fit into their world. I went out with a few of them tonight, and all I managed to achieve was to be an incredible third wheal. I watched them talk and joke and just generally interact, and I did try to join in, but I didn’t know how. Their world is just not my world. So I find my self disappointed both with myself and with those people who I thought were better friends than they really are. It is true I do have a few true friends, but they seem so very far away tonight.
Leave a Reply